Home Free Birth: Teal Xaman Ek's Birth Story

After Adam and I left Arcata, we went over to the Bay Area for a few days to hang out with his cousins Jacob and Jesse. We then came over to LA, where my good friend Alexandra had found us a place to nest and rest for the arrival of our baby. She generously offered to rent us a room in her mom's housekeeper's house, Josefa, a wonderful Mexican woman from Michoacan.

We bought an inflatable kiddie pool from Amazon and got ready for a fully DIY water birth, also known as an unassisted birth or free birth. I have nothing against midwives, I actually think they are wonderful and I would love to some day become one myself. However, hiring a midwife in the States costs between 4000 to 7000 dollars, money that needless to say, we don't have.

We were a little nervous about doing this ourselves. At some point I called a midwife whose number and info I found online to ask her for advice about some doubts I had, hoping to get the encouragement I had gotten from other midwives in Montana and Arcata. The one that I called, however, told me an unassisted birth was a terrible idea for "someone like me," and said I should apply for emergency mediCAL and go to the hospital. I was pretty sad after that conversation. Our decision was most definitely made, but it still sucked to hear someone's negativity mirroring that little voice in the back of my head that still doubted the abilities of my body. I found a lot of strength in observing nature those days. The universe knows how to create and sustain life, and I didn't feel any different from the squirrels that ran up and down the trees, or the trees themselves, that find ways to survive and thrive in the concrete jungle.

All through my pregnancy reading other people's birth stories inspired me and reminded me that birth is a natural and wonderful process. So it's an honor to be able to share our birth story now. For people who have never read a birth story before and aren't familiar with the process of labor I have included a short list of terms below.

Rushes: it's the word that Ina May Gaskin uses instead of contractions. She says these sensations are rushes of energy that open up the body for the arrival of the baby. Many people called this sensations "labor pains," but I would never call them that because words have a powerful effect in the mind. If you expect something to be painful, it will be painful.

Perineum: in women it is the area between the bottom of the vaginal opening and the anus.

Dilation: it refers to the progressive opening of the cervix. The cervix is the muscle that separates the uterus and the vagina. During labor, it opens up from 0 to 10cm).

Transition: The time between the full dilation of the cervix and the pushing stage. It's common for women to puke or feel nauseous during this time, and to feel like giving birth will be impossible.

Teal Xaman Ek's Birth Story.

On Thursday December 5th, 8 days after my due date, I started suspecting my water could be leaking very, very slowly. Josefa's sister, Nei, had woken up that morning with carpal tunnel, so Adam and I offered to go with her to the supermarket to help her carry groceries and drive her around.

While we were in the supermarket the leakege became serious enough to actually go through the pants that I was wearing that day, so I started to worry, although it was still very slow and didn't run down my legs. We came back home and Adam texted our amazing birthing team, who had gone to Slab City for a few days. The team consisted of Katee, who we traveled with in Mexico back in April, Jenny, who I traveled with in Mexico and Central America last year, and their two friends who we met recently in Arcata: Lindsey (who thinks of some day becoming a midwife) and Leyna. They traveled together as a band, "The Serpentine Sirens," playing guitar, ukulele and banjo. They all have beautiful voices and we had a lot of fun playing music with them.

I thought it was way too early to let anyone know that labor could be on its way, but Adam was simply very excited.

Our friends arrived at night while I was going crazy researching about amniotic fluid leakage and the risk of infection. I was very distressed, thinking that if I didn't go into labor after 24 hours, I would have to go to the hospital.

That night I woke up around 1am with very mild contractions that I sarted timing. They were approximately 45 seconds long every 10 minutes, but after an hour or so they slowed down and I decided I should probably just go to bed.

The next morning the leakege had stopped and the contractions were coming very, very spaced out until they completely stopped. I found this great article about amiotic fluid, and after reading it I felt pretty sure that what had ruptured was just my chorion (outer water bag) and the baby was still cozy and safe inside the amnion (inner water sac). So labor could still take a few days to actually start...

I went back to bed after reading the article and eating breakfast, trying to recover some energy after a somewhat stressful night.

When I woke up our friend Adrienne came over to visit for a little while and she gave me a wonderful acupressure massage to induce labor. Perry (Adam's best friend since middle school, who we love like family) also came over and we all decided to go out with the Serpentine Sirens to a restaurant in Studio City that claimed to have a labor inducing salad that I had been obsessed with in those last few days of waiting and being overdue.

I started feeling contractions again when we were in the car, but they were very mild and not consistent. I ate the "The" Salad, with a lot of extra dressing that our friendly waitress brought, and some delicious pizza. Afterwards we still somehow managed to share some gelato and the girls got some coffee in case that night was going to be the night.

We went back home and I tried to sleep as much as possible, but the contractions kept waking me up every 10 or 20 minutes. I had many dreams in between them. I remember dreaming of the big mama turtles on the beach of Mexico, and Leyna's dog (Valkyrie), who had puppies a few months ago.

When I woke up in the morning everyone was excited and really nice. I mostly just felt like being alone, so I stayed in my room and our friends made me breakfast and tea. Adam and I went for a short walk around the block and when we came back I tried to sleep some more, but around two it seemed like early labor was truly starting to kick in. I was having a hard time dealing with the contractions at the beginning, but I started using a chant I heard in the movie "Birth Story, Ina May Gaskin and the Farm Midwives." 

I am feeling really open,

Like a flower in the morn.

Let my petals open,

Let my child be born.

If I chanted and moved around when the contractions hit, not only they became managable, but also somehow psychedelic and so pure and sacred that I started losing track of time and reality. At some point we decided to try and check my dilation and although I wasn't quite sure we thought I was about 4cm, I told Adam we maybe should start filling up the pool. The contractions were still not coming every 5 minutes, and Adam thought we could fill up the pool in less than an hour, but I insisted that the whole team should get to work. However, the water from the hot water spicket was coming out quite cold, so there was a lot of water being boiled in the kitchen and the whole process took a long while. At this point I started getting really overwhelmed. The contractions were coming stronger and stronger (but they never got very regular) and I needed to hold on to Adam and chant really loud through them. I started feeling quite desperate to get in the water. Perry was playing the didgeridoo during the rushes and that seemed to help a little bit, but I started feeling quite nauseous and when the water got to 90° F, I decided I had to get in. I realize now that although the rushes were still coming no closer than 5 minutes, I must have been going through transition. I didn't get as relieved to be in the water as I thought I would, but it was definitely more comfortable. Everytime a new pot of boiling water came into the pool to warm it up, I would feel better. The contractions were now absolutely wild, I would jump up and switch positions every time one came, and I started to feel my body pushing, which really freaked me out because I have read all sorts of things about pushing too early and the cervix getting swollen from that. It made no sense to me that I could be fully dilated because I had been in active labor for maybe 3 hours and the contractions were actually slowing down instead of getting closer together. I instinctively checked my dilation and could feel the baby's hair. Adam got in the pool with me and I started feeling like a wild animal. I hadn't been yelling much, but at this point I couldn't help it. I knew yelling wouldn't help so I did some raspberries during the rushes to relax the muscles of my perinium, like I read in Spiritual Midwifery, but they would almost always end up as screams. I was getting tired, I could feel the baby's head entering the birth canal, but I felt like moving it past that point was simply impossible. I kept on telling Adam I couldn't do it anymore and I felt helpless. At some point Katee had come into the room. Perry was continiously oming and Katee started singing our openess song, which created a very sacred psychedelic mood. Lindsey came with a cup of tea and I just looked at her and said "No!" and after that I started dwelling into negativity. When I felt a rush I would say "No, no, no. I can't do this," but Adam and Katee would firmly respond: "Yes! You can!"

I would feel the head move a little bit farther and then going back to were it was. How could I ever do this? Adam said he could see the head when I pushed, but when I asked him what color the hair was he wasn't sure.

I relaxed in a kneeling position, leaning against the pool's side, while Adam poured warm water on me (the pool was now at the right temperature) and I started falling asleep between contractions, which seemed to be more and more spaced out. My body wasn't doing any more involuntary pushing, now it was totally up to me to birth this baby, and I didn't feel strong enough. I almost started dreaming, I didn't know if the contractions weren't coming or I just couldn't feel them anymore. My mind kept going to far away places, images of mountains and rivers... Adam kept trying to bring me back to reality, but I was escaping, with my eyes closed, waiting for my body to do the work I didn't feel capable of doing. I would keep pushing once in a while when I felt like a rush could be coming, but a part of me thought maybe I was imagining the rushes. Adam was so amazing. He spoke gently to me, reminding me it was almost over, and whatever I was feeling at the moment wasn't always gonna feel that way. Changing, changing, changing. I needed to BE HERE NOW! I realized my baby wasn't going to be born unless I gathered all my strength and came back to being in the moment. I opened my eyes and realized Jenny, Lindsey and Leyna were all now in the room chanting and oming. I asked someone for juice, then I squatted in the pool and looked Adam in the eyes. I drank some homemade grape juice my friend Alexandra had sent and that gave me the little extra strength I needed. I concentrated on trying to feel the rushes and when they came I roared loudly, like a lioness, and pushed as hard as I could. I kept on thinking of all the videos of animals giving birth that I saw during my pregnancy. Adam told me the baby was crowning! The hair was black! For some reason, hearing that the baby's hair was black made me realize that it was real, that this was really happening, that I could really do it. So I pushed with the next rush and got a little part of the head out. It wasn't going back in anymore! For what it felt like a few minutes, I stroked its hair in ecstasy, saying "oh baby!"

I knew that I now needed to birth the rest slowly and gently, so I panted a little and kept pushing. Adam kept on reminding me that the sensations are all impermanent, and with that in mind I concentrated on the infamous ring of fire, holding on to that impermanent sensation for as long as I could and then... One more push... And the head was out! I wanted to see it, but my belly was too big. I just saw the amazement on Adam's eyes. The rest of the body slipped out easily, shooting underwater into Adam's hands. My friends clapped and cheered and I saw the little baby moving peacefully in its aquatic environment before Adam handed it to me. So beautiful! It made some little noises and I sucked the mucus out of its nose and mouth. "Give us a good cry, little baby," I heard Lindsey say. The baby was very lively and pink, but didn't cry. After a brief loud yell it seemed to be breathing very well. Someone asked if it was a boy or a girl. All througth my pregnancy I dreamt of a baby girl, so I was very surprised when Adam announced it was a boy, but I stared at him in odd recognition, holding him to my chest. Little Teal Xaman Ek had been born. It felt like such a miracle, but really, it's a daily thing...

Josefa came into the room very excited. That made me come back to reality and I remembered the midwife we saw in Arcata recommended for me to get out of the pool to birth the placenta, so that we could assess the bleeding, which would look way too dramatic if I stayed in the water. Someone asked what time it was. 1:30 am. Josefa said she looked at the clock when she heard the baby cry, and it was 1:25.

I sat on a big pot waiting to birth the placenta while Adam was trying to figure out the cord situation. He tried to tie it up with some regular string from my sewing kit, but it wasn't tight enough and when it was cut it started bleeding too much. "Floss! We should just tie it again with floss!" I suggested, and Jenny made a joke about how we would sew Food Not Bombs patches with the same floss we use to tie the umbilical cord for a baby. We were all feeling cheery and happy, what an amazing trip! What a perfect little baby. I counted his fingers and toes while we waited for the placenta. I tried to breastfeed him, but he didn't seem very interested. I had read that there would be a contraction that would push out the placenta, but I didn't feel anything and I was thinking it had been at least 15 minutes, so I just gave a little push and that was it, the placenta was out, the delivery was over, I'm not pregnant anymore!

Lindsey, Adam and Katee cleaned the placenta and put it in a tupperware for me to take care of in the morning. We weighted Teal: 8.4 lb, 3.8kg. I took a warm shower while the rest of the crew hung out with him, and soon everyone went to bed and Adam and I laid on the bed with our new little miracle, amazed at his presence finally in front of our eyes... We felt so in love with each other and with him and we fell asleep in the warmth of our new little family.

Teal's birth has definitely been the most empowering experience of my life. For the days following the delivery I felt like a goddess or an epic warrior. Our friends who witnessed the birth kept on telling me how amazed they were at me and I had to keep reminding myself that I'm not a super woman, but just a creature of the world; because feeling so strong, beautiful, and powerful could either go feed my ego or my oneness with the universe. And feeding that ego is so tempting!

There are many things to come and many challenges that parenthood will bring to us, but after going through such a powerful initiation together, Adam and I feel ready to face anything and to trust the universe, our bodies, and the mysterious perfection of it all.